Buying Guide: Gingerbread Houses

I consider myself a professional gingerbread house constructor.  Definitely not professional enough for, say, a national competition, but I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t religiously follow the media coverage of said contest (true talk, the winning house did not meet my expectations). My gingerbread constructing days began when I was little. I would make a gingerbread house every Christmas season, each house more creative and magical than the last. Due to my extensive experience, I have used many of the kits on the market. I now present you with a gingerbread house buying guide to help you develop your skills and make the most of this holiday season.

1. Do-It-Yourself Gingerbread Man Kit – $11.98You may have noticed that this is not a gingerbread house kit. It is a gingerbread man kit. That’s because you’re a novice constructor. You’re not ready for the big-leagues yet. This kit will prepare you. From it, you will learn basic piping techniques and gain familiarity with proper candy usage.Literally, don’t use gumdrops as buttons. That’s so cliche. Use Smarties or something, sheesh.
2. Gingerbread House Kit from Bed Bath & Beyond – $9.99
   
   I’m assuming you’ve matured since your time with the gingerbread man kit. You’re now ready to try out the most basic gingerbread house.  It comes with an “E-Z Build Tray™ & Pre-Made Icing with Tip.” Like I said, super basic. This kit will teach you patience: if you don’t wait for the foundation to dry before you start decorating, the whole thing will collapse.
3. Dancing Deer Baking Co. Gingerbread Cookie House Kit – $29.99
   
   Full disclosure: THIS KIT IS THE WOOOoOOoooOOORST. You don’t get an E-Z Built Tray™.  You put icing on the box and then stick the gingerbread shingles on the box. The designers of this gem failed to understand that the gingerbread shingles will slide off of the box because of this thing called gravity. Therein lies the challenge. Can you build it? Can you beat gravity?
4. Gingerbread Manor Kit – $19.99
   
   You’ve been put through the wringer by the preceding kits. You’ve worked day and night. There’s icing under your nails and crushed candy canes in your hair. You’re ready for the monster.  This deluxe two-story mansion is the ultimate test. Seven bed, three-and-a-half bath; there’s no room for mistakes. Don’t doubt your training, and trust in your skills. Go forth. Good luck, young constructor.

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