Did you hear that?? What sounded like a sack of wet, aged leather falling out of the trunk of a car? That’s right, it was another democratic candidate dropping out of the presidential race! First Webb delivered his bitter tearful goodbye, and now Chafee too has decided that a small horizontal dash for a poll result was not doing his mother proud enough to make putting his sad little face up on the TV day after day worth it. So it’s back to lil’ Rhody for Lincoln.
But how can we be surprised after the performances of both of these politicians at the first Democratic debate a week and a half ago? The media, and rightfully so, has had a field day with their cringe-worthy behavior, which can be described most accurately by the term “unpresidential.”
Before we get to the positions Chafee presented, an important question that deserves some consideration is, What was going on with his outfit? Not red or blue, but a green tie, really? To be perfectly honest, the asparagus shade did not do his waxy complexion any favors.
And the way he presented his ideas was just distracting… At some points during his 50 seconds of total speaking time, his tone verged on obnoxiously shrill. And when he started criticizing Hillary for her history on the Iraq war, he got so worked up that he seemed almost hysterical. I think it’s safe to say that everyone was hoping he would just calm down and pop a Xanax; this was not the kind of cool-headed confidence we expect to see in the next leader of the free world.
But let’s get down to the content.
One of Chafee’s favorite claims is that he would be tough on Wall Street. So when Anderson asked why he voted for “the very bill that made banks bigger” in 1999, referring to the act that repealed Glass-Steagall, Chafee had no choice but to reveal how easily he could become emotionally compromised. According to his unexpectedly prompt admission, he had “just arrived at Senate” on the day of the vote, feeling like the new kid on the block if you will, and his decision-making abilities were in shambles due to the sadness he was feeling over the death of his father. Though “grieving” is sometimes a valid excuse, how could we support someone for president who is vulnerable to such unruly emotions? If elected, how much money would drain from the national budget each year so the White House could pay for tissues and chocolate cake whenever he got angsty??
And ugh, his obsession with “ethical standards”… All I heard was “nag, nag nag.”
Jim Webb’s performance was almost as unnerving.
It would be irresponsible to ignore that Webb hardly smiled at all, and when he did, it was indisputably creepy. With his decisive tone and aggressive hand gestures, Webb came across as dangerously cold-hearted, frigid even– not at all the warm and inviting presence we all want to see at the head of the Situation Room.
In fact, Webb’s attitude overall was pretty bitchy.
He was relentless with pointed attacks on Anderson Cooper for not giving him as much speaking time as the two frontrunners, and desperately cried out for attention with fighting words like “I’ve been waiting ten minutes here,” and “This is unfair.” He even called out Bernie Sanders, challenging him to say his name! It was almost as if he was trying to start a cat-fight. I think I speak for viewers at home when I admit I was almost hoping that it would get physical, provided there was someone there to throw Jello on him while he tackled Martin O’Malley… But it would just be inappropriate to have someone for our president who was so attention seeking and addicted to drama.
Debatably, an even more significant misstep of Webb’s last debate was bringing up his hardworking wife, and the five children he has back home. This instantly raised the question to all Americans, Why wasn’t he home that night cooking dinner for them? For God’s sake, what was he doing gallivanting around Las Vegas running for president when he has five children back in Virginia to nurture, lead around shopping malls on leashes, and nurse from his supple breasts? And how fair was this to his wife, who certainly needs her shirts ironed, her back rubbed, and a man crouched in front of her on the ground to rest her feet upon while she watches Sports Center?? It’s easy to see how this blunder, amongst others, resulted in Webb’s dropping his Democratic bid, but I think the American people can agree that it was for the best.
Yet no matter how inappropriately Chafee and Webb handled themselves at the debate, they still bested Vice President Joe Biden. Friendly Joe never even touched the podium so devoutly prepared for him, which I have to say, was quite the diva move.
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