Recent anti-DEI legislation has mandated the end of single-gendered student groups, citing Title IX and the 2023 affirmative action case as the legal foundation. The Student Activities Office (SAO) has already begun contacting clubs to ensure compliance (annoying), including our own Rib of Brown (sad face). But instead of moping, I’ve decided to do something no woman has ever done.
I’ve never actually been to a Lantern event (because I only go to gay people parties, which are way more fun), but I think I’d make a great addition to the frat. I’m triracial, bisexual, and a woman, meaning I’d bring a unique perspective to the table. I’ve been the token in a lot of student groups (see: The Rib), and I’m ready to do it again. I also bring strong playlist-making skills to the table. No one wants to dance to “Mr. Brightside” by the Killers anymore. Grow up.
My qualifications don’t end there. I respect women, and, unlike some people, I don’t tend to make them uncomfortable—something that might help Lantern’s reputation. I know some folks struggle with not violating others, but miraculously, I have never had this issue. Impressive, I know. Since being derecognized for Title IX violations, Lantern has been operating underground and off-campus. With my help as someone who is not a sexual predator, Lantern could finally make its way back into the university’s good graces. Say hello to lantHERn!
So, Lantern, the ball is in your court. You have the chance to make herstory and comply with new rules under Trump’s administration that in a weird backwards way feel woke. I’ll even let you haze me a little. Let’s light this candle!