Does your roommate exhibit any of the following behaviors?
- Avoids washing dishes to such a degree the only explanation is they are afraid of touching water for some mysterious reason
- Speaks in a strange and affected manner
- (Examples may include: Australian accent, fraccent, vocal fry, lisp, cursive)
- Kinda smells and never seems to shower…perhaps because it’s too much of a hassle to revert to their mer-form and then dry themselves off again before their 9AM class
- Possesses a siren-like ability to melodically moan, “but you forgot to take out the trash on your day that one time, so why can’t you cut me some slack?” And so, as if by some magic power, you are seduced into letting them off the hook
- Possesses a siren-like ability to moan late into the night so loudly that you can hear it through your walls (which are thin–but not that thin), and you know they don’t get any bitches so there’s no way they are making that sound all of their own manipulation, which means, obviously, maybe they’re summoning a baddie from the great ocean
- Sometimes randomly refers to “That Fateful Night At The Moon Pool”
- Frequently gets caught conversing with the aquatic algae and bacteria growing in your moldy sponges, almost as if they come from the same genus
- Gets a bit too much into ocean conservation efforts
- Flops around a little
If you answered YES to any of the above questions, then there’s naur denying it. Your roommate is No Ordinary Girl. Lockily, there is naur need to despair. Simply call (877) 942-5343, which, alongside Marine Animal Control, handles Merpeople from the H2O: Just Add Water Universe! Connect them with the people who can bring them back to the place where they belong—the great blue sea.