It’s The Most Wonderful Time of the Year: Spotify Isn’t Tracking My Music!

Big Brother Spotify has finally stopped his stalking and recording for 2022, and I could not be happier. My Spotify Wrapped haunts me; I think about it at least once a day from the beginning of January to early November. If I am not always listening to the most underrated, underground artists with less than 200 followers and songs that only three people knew in 1978, is it even worth listening to music at all? Is my music taste even good if it’s not validated by my peers and Spotify’s post-graduate graphic designer? If I am not listening to music 24/7 and defending my title in the top percentile of listeners, do I even deserve to say I listen to music? Let’s be real, Spotify Wrapped is not about showing off the music you actually enjoy; it’s about bragging to all your friends about how interesting your music taste is. 

Now that Spotify has stopped recording my listening, here are 5 reasons why I can finally be at peace during these next few blissful weeks:

  1. I no longer have to worry about listening to too much Taylor Swift knowing that although I won’t be in the top 1% of her listeners, she will be my most listened-to artist. I can be a big fan of Taylor Swift without being the die-hard Swiftie that made 7 TikToks of themselves sobbing like a loved one died because they didn’t get pre-sale tickets. But hey, I would be lying if I said I won’t listen (and maybe cry) to “my tears ricochet” for two hours straight on the plane coming back to college next year.
  2. I can finally regress and listen to the soundtracks of Disney Channel originals even though I am a little too old to be doing so. It’s always when I’m home that I feel super nostalgic and decide to do a deep dive into every song I used to listen to in the early 2000s. I want to listen to the Camp Rock soundtrack every time I’m having a bad day and I don’t want to consent to it being thrown back in my face when December hits.
  3. What if the Glee version is just better? I’m sorry, but I will be the first to state that the Glee Cast’s versions of “Somewhere Only We Know”, “I Say A Little Prayer”, and “Valerie” (the list goes on really) are just so utterly good. Would it be terrible to say that Lea Michele is better than Coldplay when she sings “The Scientist”? She may not know how to read but she sure can cover a song.
  4. My friends can use my Spotify and I don’t have to worry about their questionable choices ending up on my Wrapped. If you’re the friend whose speaker is always being utilized by your friends, you’ll know what I’m talking about. I promise you, I did not intentionally listen to “Hotel Room Service” enough times last year for it to be number 26 on my Spotify Wrapped, but somehow it snuck up there. Now, any Pitbull song is a masterpiece but that song being in between “First Love/Late Spring” by Mitski and “Amoeba” by Clairo messed up my whole algorithm. Stop asking your cooler, better, sadder friends to hop on the frat aux, if you PLEASE.
  5. I don’t know about anyone else, but when I saw the statistic that showed how much music  I listened to compared to other people in terms of minutes in the year, I immediately became super competitive and wanted to be in the top 5% of listeners who listen to that much music. I thought I listened to a lot of music, but apparently, I am extremely average. I now have the urge to just constantly be playing music but it means that I will never be alone with my own thoughts, so I will savor these last moments before completely dissociating.

I spend a considerable amount of time curating my playlists with the perfect titles and perfect pictures and I do not appreciate my hard work and ego being destroyed by Spotify Wrapped every year. I’m also convinced that Spotify just has a vendetta against me and wants to give me the most basic and embarrassing playlist. I can’t help that I love listening to Last Christmas in July! Even if it’s an acceptable time to be listening to it now, Spotify can’t expose me for listening to it all year long. I mean, I guess I am Jewish…

Until January 1st, 2023, I will be thriving knowing that I am not being tracked by the app that refused to take Joe Rogan off their platform, therefore losing Joni Mitchell and Neil Young. They cause me stress and are problematic in many ways, but that knock-off Meyers-Briggs personality test with music was kind of cool, though.

Image via Poster Revolution

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