Trend Forecast: Fall 2022

There’s a cool breeze adrift, the Main Green is orange, and Juniors are busy destroying their hard-earned friend groups by looking for houses together. Wait! Maybe that cool breeze was just an icy glare from a senior whose laundry I am videoing inside their home on a random Tuesday morning. Either way – Christian Girl Autumn is upon us. 

Here is what’s in and what’s out according to me, a woman with no qualifications but plenty of opinions. Gather round kids, come listen to your contemporary Oracle of Delphi. An induction into the Hult of Personality, if you will.

Ins:

  1. Going to your 9AM and napping through your afternoon class
  2. Eavesdropping
  3. Bangles
  4. Spilling tomato sauce on your white lace mini skirt while a tall man watches you from a distance, disapprovingly
  5. The Cheesecake Factory
  6. Hard launching getting back together with your ex (bravery)
  7. Magic mushrooms
  8. Writing a manifesto and hiding it under your mattress
  9. The enemy of my enemy
  10. Beer

Outs:

  1. Keeping your eyes on the road
  2. Harry Styles
  3. Collared shirts under knit sweaters (see: Harry Styles)
  4. Saying something political, yet brave
  5. Andrews Pizza
  6. The Apple Store (I don’t need a soulless cuboidal hellscape, I live in Grad Center)
  7. Finding your “voice”
  8. White people wearing orange
  9. Nihilism. Please, no more of this “we live on a floating rock shit” I beg.
  10. Tote bags

And thus concludes my listicle. Turns out every time you publish a listicle, a formerly-famous Buzzfeed writer appears behind you in the mirror and reads you a list of 5 Fantastic Tweets about Bread while weeping silently (yikes), so feel free to pray for me. You are my devotees now, after all.

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