There’s a cool breeze adrift, the Main Green is orange, and Juniors are busy destroying their hard-earned friend groups by looking for houses together. Wait! Maybe that cool breeze was just an icy glare from a senior whose laundry I am videoing inside their home on a random Tuesday morning. Either way – Christian Girl Autumn is upon us.
Here is what’s in and what’s out according to me, a woman with no qualifications but plenty of opinions. Gather round kids, come listen to your contemporary Oracle of Delphi. An induction into the Hult of Personality, if you will.
Ins:
- Going to your 9AM and napping through your afternoon class
- Eavesdropping
- Bangles
- Spilling tomato sauce on your white lace mini skirt while a tall man watches you from a distance, disapprovingly
- The Cheesecake Factory
- Hard launching getting back together with your ex (bravery)
- Magic mushrooms
- Writing a manifesto and hiding it under your mattress
- The enemy of my enemy
- Beer
Outs:
- Keeping your eyes on the road
- Harry Styles
- Collared shirts under knit sweaters (see: Harry Styles)
- Saying something political, yet brave
- Andrews Pizza
- The Apple Store (I don’t need a soulless cuboidal hellscape, I live in Grad Center)
- Finding your “voice”
- White people wearing orange
- Nihilism. Please, no more of this “we live on a floating rock shit” I beg.
- Tote bags
And thus concludes my listicle. Turns out every time you publish a listicle, a formerly-famous Buzzfeed writer appears behind you in the mirror and reads you a list of 5 Fantastic Tweets about Bread while weeping silently (yikes), so feel free to pray for me. You are my devotees now, after all.