Sophie Kintired, a freshman currently running on three hours of sleep, is at a loss for why she feels so shitty. “I have a headache, my body hurts, and even my bones feel out of place,” said Kintired. “Mercury must be in retrograde.”
She thought she had her Halloweekend perfectly planned out. She’d made exactly 23 trips to the mailroom for various parts of her Amazon-ordered costumes (#climateactivistqueen). She was sure her slutty cat costume featuring her best black corset was going to be a smashing success.
But, like all good things, Halloweekend came to an end. The cat ears have been thrown to the back of the closet and the puke-filled bucket intended for recycling purposes still needs to be emptied out in the communal bathroom. (The Jameson-Mead GroupMe is going to love that!)
Kintired, whose Friday alone included the consumption of ten shots of vodka, three-quarters of a cigarette, a third of a blunt, and several potent whiffs of poppers, thinks she might have a cold or something. “Maybe I have the flu? I don’t know.”
Kintired is also confused about why she feels so shitty seeing as each night involved a hefty amount of walking, which is supposed to be good for you. Doesn’t hot-girl-walking/drunk-girl-running down Angell Street dressed as the slutty SciLi whilst trying to figure out what “the move” is give you endorphins?
Kintired’s last full meal was a 1:30am Chinatown on Thayer visit on Sunday. Kintired hasn’t eaten a vegetable since July. Her diet typically consists of Ratty pizza, coffee milk, and VDub waffles (when the machines decide to function). But she doesn’t think it’s a nutritional problem.
As Kintired found out, Halloweekend can be spooky. From running into the person you least want to see at the pregame to eventually removing their fake fangs so you can drunkenly make out, things can get off track. However, she’s not entirely sure why her physical well-being is as jeopardized as her personal life right now.
While she hasn’t slept a full six hours over the course of her Halloweekend, she emphasizes the importance of self-care nonetheless. “Give me a crisp five minutes with a Sephora store-brand face mask and I’ll be back in no time,” she said.
Kintired was last seen “girlbossing her way through it” and setting up an appointment with Health Services.
Image via Springair.