Art class – I don’t know why this is such a core memory for me, but any time I needed a smock for art class and used an oversized T-shirt instead, it was very easy to find a T-shirt that fit most kids my age but went down to my knees.
Best friends – You know that saying “Every short person needs a tall best friend”? It doesn’t have to apply to everyone (that would be height-ism), but my best friend just so happens to be about a foot taller than me. Needless to say, I love them far more than I hate them for making me feel even shorter.
Cabinets – A girl’s gotta eat, and usually, eating requires some kind of plate or bowl or other container usually found in a kitchen cabinet. Even the lowest cabinet in my kitchen is above my eye level. I really want to know who they were making these cabinets for, because they’re not accessible. Needless to say, I have developed some pretty solid parkour skills climbing kitchen counters just to get a plate. A glass plate. A girl’s gotta get her adrenaline somehow, and circus tricks are a pretty good place to start. (see also: “Parkour”)
Dating – If height really matters that much to you in a relationship (which I really don’t think it should—love is love, after all), and you want your partner to be taller than you, you’ve got 99 problems and that ain’t one, because everyone is taller than you.
Eco-friendly – By taking up less space, your CO2 emissions are released closer to the surface, so you’re probably more eco-friendly??
Flexibility – It’s significantly easier to touch your toes if you have less distance to cover. With just a little bit of stretching, you can one-up your taller friends and channel your inner Simone Biles. #girlboss
Gym – For all you gym people (power to you), I’ve seen several videos of vertically-challenged individuals trying to reach a pull-up or lat row machine bar and some of them are quite enjoyable to watch… until I realize that I would be in the exact same situation.
Hair – Trying to channel your inner Rapunzel? Well you’re in luck: because of your height, your luscious locks have slightly less distance to travel.
Island – When (not if) you find yourself stranded on a deserted island, you’ll have a much easier time building a shelter for yourself that you fit in. Who could ask for more?
Jungle gym – That “Children 12-and-under ONLY” sign just doesn’t apply to you. Go climb those monkey bars and slide down that slide and swing on those swings. You fit, so might as well make the most of it.
Kids – You will be likely mistaken for someone much younger than you actually are. Use it to your advantage.
Laundry – Picture this: top-loading washing machine and/or dryer. I have a little chuckle to myself every time I have to dive in waist-deep just to get my socks.
Milk – Drink milk, and you’ll be tall, they said. It’ll help your bones grow big and strong, they said. The silence is deafening now.
Nature – I sometimes wish Mother Nature gave me a little more in the height department, but I trust that she had her reasons.
Oxygen – Less height = less surface area = more oxygen distribution = health. I will now accept my degree in Health and Human Bio, please and thank you.
Parkour – Kitchen cabinets will not be the only things far above your head. You get creative. (see also: “Cabinets”)
Quarter-inches – You can count halves and eighths too if it means that much to you. I’m 5’3” and ¼ and that quarter-inch is extremely important to me. I am not 5’3”, nor am I 5’4”. I exist blissfully in the kingdom between the two
Roller coasters – Those “you must be this tall to ride” signs used to be the bane of my existence, until I finally surpassed them and could go on all the rides I wanted. It’s also quite nice to go to an amusement park and stand next to the sign and make fun of all the little children who can’t ride. You gotta take the small victories in life.
Shoes – This one’s actually a plus. If you happen to be a short person with small feet, chances are, you have an entire selection of shoes available just for you: the ones in the kids section. They’re usually significantly cheaper and have fun colors. You officially are more fun than your tall fellow-humans.
Tall people – I don’t see how you can hate from outside of the club. You can’t even get in.
Umbrellas – Despite umbrellas sometimes being not so helpful in Providence winds, it is nice that when someone holds an umbrella over your head, odds are high that you fit under it quite comfortably.
Vertical – The direction your body just didn’t want to keep growing in. It’s okay. My mom always told me it’s because my brain weighed me down, and I’m going to take that as a compliment.
Waterslides – see “Roller coasters”
X… – N/A (the only words I can think of that aren’t drugs or chemicals are x-ray and xylophone, and those just don’t seem relevant. Perhaps it’s less work for the x-ray person to take an x-ray because they have less ground to cover and you actually fit in things? Maybe you struggled to play the xylophone because you couldn’t reach the pedal and hit the keys at the same time?)
Yearbook – The great equalizer (sort of). You can’t tell how tall someone is based on their senior portrait, but you definitely can in every single other page of the book.
Zappy – Isn’t this such a fun word to end our fun little journey through the alphabet. Now go live a super-sized life with your fun-sized body.