John knows all about sex education. He passed the open note tests on the reproductive system; he knows babies grow in v*ginas; when he gets tingles in his wee wee, John always pulls out. And hey, he’s even seen the pilot of the Netflix show.
So, of course, it was a bit surprising when he woke up one day to some mysterious bumps on his penis. Looking for answers, the first person John turned to was his best bro and roommate, Zach.
“Bro, what is this?” John asked, whipping out his penis. “No homo, though.”
“Brooo, no worries! I got it too.”
Oh, ok. No worries, Zach has them too.
“They just make your nuts and pisses tingly. Honestly, bro? It’s actually better.”
John couldn’t lie, he actually did like the tingle when he pissed. He couldn’t wait to try out the new and improved nut, too. So John went on Tinder, found himself a date, and MAN, that nut was a good one. In truth, he liked it so much that he really milked Tinder and got seven more nuts in within the next couple days. And the girls loved it, too.
“Oh, John! Are you using those ribbed condoms?”
No, Cindy. That’s some all-natural loving. As an extra bonus: now, John doesn’t have to pay the extra 60 cents for ribbed ones (not that he was to begin with).
Being the good friend that he is, John wanted to share this investment with all his bros. As the saying goes, you have to give a little to get a lot. So for one night, the ‘no homo’ rule went out the window, and all of John’s friends got in on the magic bumps.
Surprisingly, the following week, all those girls called back too! Talking about “serious problems” and “itchy v*gina”. Girls. Nag nag nag all the time. But hey, John had never had a 100% call-back rate before, so maybe these bumps really were magic.
And, hey, if you’re ever in the Providence area, John is the gift that keeps on giving. We’re promoting his ad below:
