It was September 7th, a Saturday night. Callie, a newly-minted College Freshman was approached at a “keg party” by Daniel, frat-sympathizer and self-proclaimed-pussy-hat-owner.
“Hey, I never do this… but I think you’re really beautiful… Would you like… wanna get out of here?”
When Callie responded with physical discomfort, he assured her that he “never does this”. Actually, despite attending a co-ed University for the past three years, he has never even spoken to a “female” at all. He continued, “Yeah, there are some real creeps here. Let me know if any of them are making you uncomfortable.”
Several accounts from party attendees stated that at this point in the conversation, Callie appeared to attempt to exit the scene when Daniel retorted that he was, “just trying to respect [her]” and “why did [she] have to go and make things weird?” Witnesses at the scene shared that following Callie’s attempted rejection of resident Good Guy, Daniel, he appeared dejected and morose in a “totally hot yet unapproachable way”.
While Daniel assured Callie that this was the first time he had “done this”, an anonymous source informing us here at The Rib has offered conflicting reports. Our sources state that Daniel has in fact “done this before”. Actually, quite a few times.
Another unnamed source shared that on one occasion, Daniel had approached her and several friends at a party, claiming to each one individually that he “had never done this before”.
“Yeah,” She shared, “It was almost like he didn’t think we’d seen him use the same line multiple times that night?”
Reportedly, Daniel also wanted to make it clear that he was in full support of “all that Me Too stuff”, bravely speaking out with: “Isn’t it horrible the things that females go through today?”.
“We weren’t even discussing Me Too,” The source continued, “But Daniel interrupted my friend Claire, pointing out how one of the guys at the frat party had his hand on his girlfriend’s butt… he then said, “Ugh, aren’t men just the worst sometimes?” Later that night, I saw him talking to that same guy about a girl he’d slept with who apparently “Wasn’t that hot, but had nice tits, so it was okay.””
Upon hearing these accusations, Daniel has taken great offense. He is now on a temporary hiatus from “the whole dating scene”. Daniel has required several hours of consoling and as well as one-to-two hand jobs to recover from the besmirchment of his good name.