Tequila Debunked

Last weekend, I decided to host a spring break-themed party for everyone who didn’t get to go to Cabo with James Franco dressed exclusively in bikinis and balaclavas. In keeping with the theme, we, of course, needed to do tequila shots. Many of my friends complained, claiming that tequila is the devil, etc., etc. But as a long time tequila apologist, I refused to listen to their weak quip: “tequila, more like te-kill-ya!”

Well, before I knew it, I was one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. And by floor, I mean my friends took care of me for 2 hours and then could not move me into my bed after I passed out on my carpet next to a recycling bin full of lime slices. My first morning-after vomit was all it took to leave me disillusioned with tequila, and incapacitated for Easter Sunday. Oops.

Now, a couple days removed from “the tequila incident,” I’ve been ruminating about my once favorite drink. There seem to be many myths about tequila being worse than other alcohols. Poor tequila serves as everyone’s scapegoat for bad drunken behavior. How did tequila get this bad reputation? Is it grounded in any truth? Do I have to admit that my friends were right? God, I hope not.

All it took was one highly sophisticated Google search – “Is tequila bad?” – to debunk these slanderous myths. According to Wayne Curtis’ article on The Atlantic, “Does Tequila Make Us Crazy?”, the answer is a simple no. Curtis states that “ethanol is ethanol, and whatever spirit you consume, it’s the ethanol that affects you.” So let’s stop putting Peach Svdeka on a pedestal – it has just as much ethanol and potential for a wild night as tequila.

So if tequila isn’t actually more potent than other hard alcohol, why does it have this mythic status? This question has a two-part answer. First, tequila is usually consumed as shots rather than as part of a mixed drink. Pure alcohol will get you drunk faster than a cup of juice mixed with alcohol. Also, tequila shots are so exhilarating that you might want to do more than is prudent. Second, Curtis claims that “mood dictates your drink more than drink dictates your mood.” The legend of tequila mainly exists because of its cyclical nature. If you think tequila will make you crazy, your preconceived notions will likely become actualized.

Maybe I just have a toxic relationship with tequila. I mean, it is literally toxic. But, I still want to love it, and the Internet is producing facts I want to believe. Apparently, tequila aids digestion, breaks down dietary fat, and can help get rid of headaches. Maybe my unyielding love for tequila isn’t self-destructive. Maybe I’m being… healthy? That’s not it, but at least I have an excuse. I’m going to look at my tequila disaster as a cathartic experience. Here’s to rebirth, baptism by fire tequila.

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