Disclaimer: All of these things really happened to me in bars/clubs in Spain over the last semester.
Well, folks, I just spent the last semester studying abroad in Barcelona, España. And, well, you guessed it: I learned a lot while I was galavanting around Europe. The thing I learned most about was love! I had so many whirlwind romances with sexy European men–wow. And I’m here now to share the 5 techniques that made me drop everything and get down with a guy.
1] “I can tell there’s something different about you. You didn’t come here just to fuck around. You clearly care about people and like, want to make the world a better place.”
Oh, cute British guy wearing a pretentious beanie whose name I instantly forgot. You are so right. I did come to study abroad in Barcelona for a semester to make the world a better place! That’s why I’m in this bar talking to you right now. All a part of my mission to care about people and things. Thanks for seeing me and getting me in a way no one else has before. Oh, you can’t follow my friends and I to the club because you skateboarded to this bar? No worries, throw me on the back of your board and whisk me away!
2] “It’s actually anti-feminist of you to not want to talk to me.”
Well, I’m a feminist, but there’s always room to improve, right? I should probably listen to you because you sound like you have a lot to teach me! It honestly turns me on to be told what to do and how to respect myself by someone who is actively not respecting my desire to be alone and not talk to them! Want to get out of here?
3] “JUST KISS ME!!!!”
Fuck, you’re so right. Unpopular opinion, but sometimes logic can be so sexy, lol! Can’t say no to this one…
4]“You were kind of rude to my friend just now. You should know that not every guy who talks to you in a bar is trying to flirt with you.”
You really just hit the nail on the head. Calling me out for declining a conversation with a guy I’m not interested in is a unique, dare I say, advanced, move. And pointing out that his friend is supposedly not into me is really insulting! Does anyone else find that condescension is kinda hot? Anyways, want to come over to my place?
5] Literally pulling a lucha libre style wrestling mask out of your pocket and putting it on after learning that I am Mexican.
Wow. Dude, you really take the cake. Not only is this an instantly sophisticated cultural statement, but you’re appealing to my ethnicity! And I find that totally sexy and not weird at all. Talk about spontaneity, am I right? Let’s hook up, but you have to keep the mask on, lol!!
By now I’m back at Brown, which is kind of triste (that means sad). So far the only pick-up lines I’ve gotten are the “you seem really cool, we should get coffee sometime” type–so boring. Instant no. Boys at Brown, PLEASE start using these expert techniques that I learned in Barça, like being downright rude, telling me what feminism is, or carrying around culturally significant items in the anticipation of surprising a girl with your off-the-cuff commitment to her ethnicity!
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