She’s kind, she’s smart, she’s perfect. But sometimes, it’s hard to forgive your friend for being named Ashley. Still, forgiveness is an essential part of your overall happiness and wellbeing. While it is completely okay (and natural!) to take all the time you need before forgiving your friend, be sure not to let the wound fester for too long. This step by step guide will help you learn to forgive, and maybe even to forget.*
Uncover your anger
This first step may seem obvious, but it is essential to the process of forgiving, and must not be trivialized. Once you know exactly what it is about your friend being named Ashley that triggers that anger for you, you’ll be much more capable of controlling those feelings. Delve deep into the root of the issue. Is it the popularity of the name that is responsible for your anger? The lack of attractive or snappy nicknames available for it (“Ash?” “Shleigh?”)? Chances are, your anger stems at least partly from your association of the name with made-for-T.V. movie characters and that girl from your freshman year English seminar who said Lolita’s Humbert was just “overcome with love.” Recognizing why this hot girl name rubs you the wrong way is the first step to forgiveness.
Talk it out
Talk to Ashley. It’s hard to re-initiate contact with someone after a falling out, but it’s essential to talk about your feelings. Bridge the subject gently, so as not to create even more tension. Tell Ashley what it is about her name that makes associating with her so difficult, and work together to come up with a solution. Try making a compromise, such as having her go by Anabelle, Adalyn, Amanda or another similar, more tasteful option when you are together, and allowing her to keep her given name when you are apart.
Redirect the emotion
Try to redirect your anger elsewhere. Joining a gym or kickboxing class can help, as can picking up a new hobby such as crafting or playing the flute. If, after experimenting with other methods of release, you feel the need to channel your anger in a more direct way, confront Ashley’s parents. After all, just as you did not choose your name, Ashley did not choose hers. This by no means excuses the pain you have had to endure at her expense, but internalizing this information may expedite your acceptance of her shortcoming, and even your ability to forgive her for it.
Forgive
The final step is the hardest, but it is also the most rewarding. Write down a list of all the things you love about your friend, and remember all the good times you have had together. You’ll find that this makes it nearly impossible not to forgive her.
I hope this guide has helped you to process some of your angry emotions, and channel your energy to other, more productive spaces. Happy forgiving!
*If her middle name is May, Lauren, or Rose the friendship may be unsalvageable.
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