I’m not proud of this. Truly, I’m not. But, look, some cartoon characters are just too fuck-able not to name. Too fuck-able not to be KNOWN. Too fuck-able not to be shouted from the rooftop of the Ratty like it’s tater tot Saturday. We all know it’s the truth…
God, I really am sorry about this one. I’m going to have to take a shower after writing this. A really REALLY long one. And maybe you should too. But first, read my article.
Without further ado:
6. Aladdin of Aladdin fame
Shaggy haired GOD. This scruffy rug rat and his exposed torso quickly found his way into all of our filthy filthy hearts. He’s got that friend’s-older-brother kind of hot. Affectionate, fun, but most importantly oh so forbidden. I can’t have him and that just makes me want him more. WHAT THAT MOUTH DO BOY.
5. Danny of Danny Phantom fame
Danny Phantom is young and spry and hotter than a mother. There’s not shame in that. Danny Phantom’s got that boy next door kind of hot, the kind that really respects your boundaries and is a little reserved. He’ll take you on real cute dates and do all kinda nice shit for you, but that doesn’t mean he’s not gonna beat the hell out of your meat afterwards.
4. Korra of The Legend of Korra fame
Korra’s hard, she’s got that edge. That I’m-gonna-punch-you-in-the-face-and-you’ll-thank-me kind of edge. That I’ll-bully-you-into-doing-my-taxes kind of edge. That you’ll-eventually-just-automatically-do-my-taxes-without-me-having-to-bully-you kind of edge. But that’s what makes her so appealing. Like yes lil mama be hard all you want, but you gonna be soft for me.
3. Li Shang of Mulan fame
The word “daddy” has never been more appropriate. Everything about him is so defined. His jawline. His pecs. His sense of HONOR. Like yes hit me with that moral guilt daddy. Fuckkkkk. Mulan might’ve saved all of China, but he confused the hell out of THIS lesbian’s sexuality and honestly that’s a greater feat.
2. Shego of Kim Possible fame
Shego was—and Is—a straight up babe. Her “I don’t give a fuck” energy had all of us giving all kinds of fucks. The rule with Shego is: if you were into her, you’re probably gay. Shego is queer femme culture and that’s that on that. BURN ME. BE MEAN TO ME. INSULT ME. TELL ME I’M WORTHLESS. And, oh, will she.
1. AND THE HOTTEST OF THEM ALL: Zuko of Avatar The Last Airbender fame
Zuko is the big tiddy goth girlfriend we all want AND deserve. The angst! The character arc! The tragic past! The hair! The slight grimace at all times! The physical transformation from the first season to the third! I want him emotionally. And physically. But I also want to know if he’d be open to letting Azula or Uncle Iroh join?
