To-Do List Of A Procrastinator

Due: two weeks ago

__clean yo room  overdue

__watch lecture captures from those two lectures you missed because you were cramming for a physics exam  overdue

__apply for 10 research positions!!!  (do they need a resume?) overdue

 X watch that one vine compilation ur friend sent you

__write Big Essay  overdue

__study for orgo exam next week  overdue

Due: one week ago

__tell section leader you’re not coming to section

 X don’t tell her it’s because u have to cram for orgo

__at least vacuum  overdue

 X OK MAKE RESUME SO YOU CAN APPLY FOR SOME RESEARCH POSITIONS

__essay this is worth 20% of your grade please focus  overdue

__study all physics lectures ever for exam coming up!!!!!!!!! overdue

__edit Rib article and write a new one ??  overdue

Due: yesterday

 X vacuum using neighbor’s vacuum

 X comb hair because you finally found your comb

 X tell yourself you are accomplished yes good job

 X good luck on physics exam lol

__ APPLY FOR THE 20 RESEARCH POSITIONS WITH DEADLINES TODAY overdue

 X send in one application to a random summer internship and spend your whole day writing it

__READ THOSE 10 BOOKS FOR ESSAY DUE TOMORROW overdue

 X don’t turn in the book you can only check out for 24 hours at a time even though it’s been two days

__ write essay (10 pages) (with citations) (it’s due tomorrow) (do better than that smug looking kid) overdue

Due: today

 X write essay during volunteering and on the bus and on the toilet

__there’s a Rib meeting today you have written one article this semester and you should have written at least 31

 X ignore mom’s texts saying that all the deadlines to apply for research have passed

 X turn in essay but uh oh there are no citations and is that plagiarism am i a criminal

 X stress email your adviser because now your only hope is that random summer internship and the researcher in charge has not yet replied to you even though it’s been less than a day. your adviser will forward your desperate sad email to said researcher

 X finally return super fucking special book that the library charges 50 cents for every hour it’s overdue and pay $23.56 in fees

__don’t do this again

Image via Isa Lovelace.

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