As someone who has worked in the Blue Room cafe for a whopping one and a third semester, I like to consider myself a bread connoisseur. I’m sure you all think the process of bread selection means absolutely nothing more than taste preference, right?
WRONG.
I have long perused the stacks of magazines at grocery stores while waiting for my mommy to buy me honey nut cheerios, always paying particular attention to the astrological and quiz sections. Naturally, I think I’m rather gifted in the art of reading people, in analyzing their motives and their personalities.
I have combined my two passions, working at the Blue Room and judging people, to present to you a comprehensive assessment of: What your Blue room bread selection says about you.
Ciabatta
There’s no doubt about it, you are the MOST popular and well-liked person that anyone has ever met! No, really, you’ve probably never met someone that doesn’t want to be your best friend. This can be a good or bad thing; some people like to harsh on your vibe by constantly fighting for your attention and asking for your whereabouts. Even stars need personal time, people!
French Roll
Ooo, looks like you’re the epitome of everyone’s second choice. You’re great, really! You never let anyone down and you’re a joy to be around, but people are always way too busy fawning over your slightly prettier and more popular best friend to really appreciate your awesomeness. Don’t worry, though, your time to shine is just around the corner!
Wheat Roll
You are the toughest, roughest guy or gal or phe that’s ever set foot on this campus. No, seriously, I broke my permanent retainer eating a wheat roll. No one should ever mess with you. You have a tough exterior, but on the inside, you’re just..no you’re still hard as hell.
Wrap
Honestly, can you just like…find your chill. Seriously, you need to relax. You’re constantly trying to juggle more than you can and you don’t listen to people when they tell you you’re wrapping yourself around too many things! Try burdening yourself with fewer extra curriculars this semester and you won’t feel like you’re constantly falling apart.
Sliced Bread
Let’s be real here: you’re kind of boring. But it’s not your fault! All your life, people have been saying things like, “It’s the greatest thing since sliced bread!” and you’ve gotten kinda complacent. I’m here to tell you that there are indeed many things greater than sliced bread, including other types of more delicious breads that are worth manually slicing.
