I have a theory about Taylor Swift.
You know when you have an idea and you’ve had it in your head for a few weeks, and you think it’s really clever and hilarious? And everyone will think you’re a genius and want to be your best friend when you tell them your idea? But then one day the Regina George of your life goes ahead and tells everyone that she had that very idea before you publicly unveiled it yourself? And then even when you tell everyone “THAT’S SO WEIRD I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING!” no one really cares or believes you? And then all of the excitement surrounding that good idea in your head goes to shit?
Can you tell this is a touchy subject?
Well I’m sure it would be for you, too, if you suddenly had an epiphany that Taylor Swift had a secret plan to transition to becoming a model – a double threat, if you will – while making it seem like “just kinda happened, like the way… you drag me head first, fearless,” and then Vogue, the Regina George of all Regina George’s, ruins it all by doing this:
…Putting the subject of your theory in garb reminiscent of something the grandma population of Boca Raton would wear to synagogue. Is it tunic season, Vogue? Really?
I digress – the point is that Vogue, with the announcement of Karlie Kloss and Tay Swift as their cover stars for the March issue, is giving Taylor what she wants. They’re not presenting her as a healer of teenage heartbreak, nor as “America’s Sweetheart” with guitar in-hand, which is the label she received when she graced Vogue‘s cover in February 2014. They’re putting her next to Karlie Kloss, a top-tier “Instagirl.” Thus, Taylor becomes an Instagirl, too.
But when you think about it, hasn’t she been one for a while now?
I mean, I didn’t need a crystal ball to see this coming. It was pretty predictable. To become the girl who really has and does it all in fashion and music, Taylor made a smooth and expensive transition from pop star to Instagirl of grace. And here’s exactly how she did it:
1. She lost the weight.
I noticed Tay getting leggier and leggier for a long time. And as she got leggier, you couldn’t help but think that her body was indistinguishable from that of anyone else who’s ever been in Vogue or walked the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. (I also want to clarify that IMHO, Taylor was never overweight or anything of the sort. She just, out of the blue, became model-thin.)
2. And she did it by working out at this chic place in New York City called ModelFit.
If you want to work out with Anne Hathaway, Anne V, Miranda Kerr, Karlie Kloss, and Irina Shayk, then you work out here. And of course Taylor Swift wants to work out with Karlie Kloss. The owner of the studio, Justin Gelband, is called the “model whisperer,” and Taylor Swift is seemingly a client who wants to be whispered to. Here is Taylor leaving the gym looking like she never want to the gym, because apparently that’s what ModelFit does to you:
3. Oh – AND she moved to New York City.
Which we all know is such a model thing to do and so not a Taylor Swift thing to do. She’s too emotionally fragile to handle New York.
4. Finally, Taylor befriended models so that she could be “in” with the “crowd.”
The prime example of this, aside from her relationship with Karlie Kloss (see below)…
…is her stint at the VS Fashion Show as aforementioned. She was not trying to perform, she was trying to model, and though I never thought I would find myself saying this in any context, she should probably have followed the footsteps of Ariana Grande by sticking true to her trade. Tay, you were there to perform, you were not hired as a model, yet you still tried to do that whole “My stylist dressed me in lingerie I swear and it just so happens I look good enough in it to convince you that I should model!” thing.
However, none of this now matters because the cat’s out of the bag and Vogue beat me to it. Taylor Swift is subtly a model. NBD, as they say.