Last night I was drinking
And caught slipping
Down the stairs at 257
Bum
Bum
Bum
Thus bruising my butt most severely
Today
I drop trou to show my friends the damage
And tonight
I sleep with my ass towards the sky
___________
Apologies to my shorter friends
I know not why
The good lord intended for you
To best enjoy music
Alone
___________
I got both chicken fingers
And tofu nuggs
At Fratty at the Ratty tonight
Because I was hungry
And because there was a limit on the former
And because when you are hungry
You learn to love
What’s second best
___________
Mitski
I don’t know what the hell you’re doing
With that table
But that doesn’t mean
I mind
___________
I am sorry if it makes me a bad person
That I do not want to lend you my jacket
During this freezing outdoor concert
The way I see it
Before we left today
You made a decision
To look cute
And I made a decision
To live
But assuming you do die
That really is a great top
And in the event of an open casket,
At least
They won’t have to change your clothes
Before
They put your body in the ground
___________
Ah yes it is that time of year again
When the sun sets later
And the days last longer
And the students gather in the square
It is the time of year where I remember
That people actually vape for real
And not just as a joke
Or in my nightmares
___________
Sometimes a woman does not know her own strength
Until confronted with a port-o-potty
And in order to piss without touching the seat
Holds a near-perfect wall-sit for 45 seconds
___________
I know that I can be a bit silly
And overdramatic sometimes
But I am not lying when I tell you that I will fight God
Before I take another sip of that tequila
Christ
___________
This is a eulogy for my butt
The very same one from before
I am not kidding you all
It’s like outer space; like the galaxy back there
All purple and black and speckled and vast
And unable to sustain
Human life
I pray the lord: my soul to keep
I pray to grace: my ass, replace
___________