Like most of us, I had to help around the house while I was growing up. These “chores” included walking the dog, taking out the trash, unloading the dishwasher, cleaning my room, and maybe, on rare occasion, cooking.
I thought these tasks were the bulk of what went into maintaining an adult existence, but it turns out I was very, very wrong. There is, in fact, a whole new plate of adult responsibilities I was not prepared for. Here are 8 allegedly easy things that we all hate more than we should:
1. Fitted bed sheets
This should be easy, but we all know what a burden changing fitted sheets can be. I would say 80% of the time I accidentally put them on the horizontal way first, and then have to switch. Then there is the issue of tucking in that last corner. Is there a way to do this without climbing on the bed and consequently untucking the completed 3 corners in the process?? Let me know.
2. Finding coins for the laundry machine
It just took me 4 days to accumulate the 16 quarters necessary for doing one load of laundry. Us ~millenials~ use credit cards like the civilized people we are, which means that the washer and dryer machines are the one and only part of my life that requires actual physical coins. As of now, Starbucks and CVS do not allow struggling college kids to walk in with crumpled up dollar bills to exchange for coins (why?? we know you have the $$!). So until that glorious day comes I will continue to text 45 people every laundry night in an effort to map out who has a quarter.
Bonus: Actually doing the laundry kinda sucks too. By the time I walk down the 5 flights of stairs to our grimy spiderweb-y basement, I always realize I have forgotten something. Usually that’s the detergent, quarters or my keys, but I’ve been known to be so proud of myself for remembering all of those things that I forgot to grab the actual…laundry.
3. Dishes
Ew! Why is it that the delicious food we finished just minutes before becomes immediately disgusting the second it meets our sink and a sponge? Bonus gross-points for pots and pans. I swear I would rather take care of a sick and sniffling person for a day then wash my own plate. My selfless attitude is really shining through in this article.
4. Hanging up clothes
No matter the number of plastic Target hangers we buy at the beginning of the year, there will never be enough. Somehow, massive amounts of clothes will begin to pile up on the floor. Hello, wrinkly-shirt interview.
5. Emails
There are two types of people: those who have 38,000 unread emails and those who have zero unread emails. I fall into the second category. Constantly maintaining an empty inbox is exhausting AF; it requires checking and responding to emails every 12 seconds. This may not be “domestic,” but it is also not what I signed up for when I “became” an adult.
6. Buying enough workout clothes to sustain a usual exercise regimen
How many sports bras does one need in order to sustain a lifestyle of daily workouts? Let me tell ya, it is more than a few! Factor in shorts, tanks, leggings, etc. and working out soon becomes a serious hole in your wallet. Gone are the days of ripped camp t-shirts and basketball shorts.
7. Grocery shopping correctly
I’m loyal to my friend Trader Joe’s, but I still haven’t figured out how exactly to do an efficient grocery shopping job. Like, how do you figure out the right amount of food to buy? Why is it that no matter the quantity, half of it ends up expiring before you can eat it, and the other half runs out too quickly? I’m thinking that the best reason to get a decent job after college is to support a Seamless and GrubHub diet.
8. Scheduling appointments
When I was a kid, I would show up to the doctor or dentist’s office and not only would the smiley receptionist ~magically~ be expecting me, but she would greet me by name! Well, my friends, it turns out these receptionists didn’t have a psychic superpower. They had simply spoken to our moms a few weeks before, who had booked this thing called an appointment.
Making an appointment is a surprisingly complicated process that involves a lot of numbers and IDs and insurance policies and birthdays (or I guess just one birthday). It just isn’t all that magical, and to make matters worse, you do not get a piece of candy when you leave the office.
In conclusion, it is better to not be an adult human.
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