This cuffing season, I’m giving away some top-secret tips for any girlies trying to win my hand. I don’t know if I trust Tinder or Bumble to find the love of my life, but The Rib of Brown? That’s where the magic happens.
1. Watch any movie or show together
There’s nothing I love more than watching a good (or not so good) show with someone and doing scene-by-scene live commentary. I just started Pretty Little Liars, so you better come over quick so you don’t fall behind. (Disclaimer: If we cuddle, every square inch we touch corresponds to 10 years of a beautiful, committed relationship)
2. Go on a walk/hike together
What if we… held hands at Lincoln Woods State Park? And then we’ll be sitting next to each other on a big rock, looking at the shimmering lake and trees with leaves changing as the sun sets, and you’ll say “wow, this view is beautiful” and I’ll say “you’re beautiful” and then we give each other the *lesbians who are in love look* and the screen fades to black because it’s actually the end of an award-winning rom com.
3. Be funny
If you make good jokes, odds are I already think about you every day. I have the sense of humor of both a sophisticated young lady at Brown University and a 13-year-old boy, so there’s a lot to work with there.
4. Ask me how my day was
You’re interested in my life?? Well, I’m interested in being together forever. (Disclaimer: I have ADHD and this question will inevitably lead to me sharing upwards of 20 other related stories from my life. We are learning everything about each other from day one)
5. Smile at me
If you have a cute smile, you’re in deep trouble. I physically start to melt in the presence of a pretty girl smiling. And I guess it’s the sky-high average income here, but everyone has perfect fucking teeth. Everywhere I look, there y’all are being dazzling and it’s just a lot to process.
6. Make eye contact with me
Eyes are the window to the soul, and it’s extremely likely that I’ll find your eyes gorgeous. Therefore, your soul is probably gorgeous and we’re getting married. (Also, if we’re close enough to look at each other’s eyes… aren’t we close enough to kiss?😳😳)
7. Acknowledge my existence
If you’ve gotten this far in the article…… call me.