While many of us learned about the birds and the bees from an older sibling, a parent, or a 4th grad Sex Ed. Class (If you were lucky enough to be in my class you would have seen a teacher stick a tampon in a glass of mysteriously fluorescent blue liquid for a demonstration), I learned about the secret three-letter word from another source entirely: Friends. No, not my own friends, I’m talking about America’s favorite friends: Ross, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe and Joey. Remember that episode where Rachel and Monica fight over the last remaining condom in their bathroom drawer? These twenty-two minutes of comedic genius made up my entire sex education from age seven, when I watched this episode—unknown to my parents at the time–to age 9, when I quoted a line from this exchange between Rachel and Monica at our dinner table.
A few years later, I had the privilege of sitting through Titanic with my grandfather, who was hoping to watch a historically educational film with his grandchildren. Oops.
Then last summer, I had the unique opportunity of seeing Trainwreck in the theater with my best friend—and both of our dads. A father-daughter night gone slightly wrong, to say the least, although we probably should have seen that one coming.
Inspired by these meaningful events in my life, I have now crowned myself expert of the best (AKA worst) movie sex scenes to uncomfortably watch with your parents. Here’s the list:
- The Notebook
Ah, where to even begin with this one. Could it be the (almost) deflowering scene in an abandoned southern mansion in front of a steamy fireplace with the cops coming afterwards? Or maybe the legs-around-the-waist aftermath of the infamous rain scene. This is everyone’s favorite movie for a reason. Cringe.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KXVizOUQVY
- Gone Girl
Ok, so maybe you’re (too) close with your parents, and you don’t mind sitting between them on the couch during rom coms. So how about we throw in some blood and a psychotic murderer in to the mix? Watch a gallon of blood come gushing out of the poor guy’s slit neck in this scene.
- Game of Thrones
Everyone’s favorite fantasy show. Take the pilot: filled with beautiful royalty, palaces, and oh wait incest? There’s nothing better to cause friction during your Friday family night then the Lannister twins. Remember, when you play the game of thrones, you win or you die. Someone please kill me now.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOLN08Gdo-U
- Wolf of Wall Street
We all love Leonardo Dicaprio, especially my mom. So what better movie to pick than this one for a mother-daughter movie night? 20 minutes in, we’ve got cocaine, infidelity and Margot Robbie spread eagle on her back. Safe to say, mom’s no longer a real fan. This clip seems to be ~restricted~ (another bad sign) so here’s the trailer instead!
- The Spectacular Now.
This movie deserves major props for depicting high school love in a realistically unglamorous way. A teenage bedroom, soft panting, and a complete and utter lack of background music. That being said, these are exactly the same reasons you won’t want to watch it with your parents. The only thing worse than a bad sex scene is a realistic sex scene.
So there you have it, five great scenes to stream for your next family movie night!
And to the boy who sat behind me in the library while I wrote this, this is evidence that all those sex scenes you just saw me watch were for a very legitimate and serious article.
Image via.