Egg and sperm donation are some of the only situations in this world that I’d be willing to call entirely “win-win.” If you donate, you’re earning some serious cash–even thousands of dollars for a single ovulation cycle–while simultaneously giving some lucky people the single thing they want most in the world in the form of a tiny little pre-baby.
Plus, if you have a penis, you get to masturbate!
Honestly, if you had asked me just a week ago what I thought about egg donation in particular, I might have said something like, “That’s kind of a weird question to ask a complete stranger, but yes, egg donation is awesome. If you have a uterus, could do it in a healthy way, feel up for it, and wouldn’t mind the extra money, I don’t see why you wouldn’t give it a shot.”
And then you would have said, “But Ali… doesn’t that all apply to you?”
And I would have clammed up.
I’m eighteen now, and sometimes I forget that I can do adult things–yesterday I almost sent my Carnival activities waiver to my mom to sign. Egg donation was never something I thought about subjectively until I saw an ad like this on Facebook:
Yes, not only am I old enough now to get targeted egg donation ads, but apparently I’m a hot commodity in the egg donation ad community. And it’s definitely not because I have a high IQ–I am a firm believer in the fact that the IQ test is complete bullshit and I’ve never taken one. It’s because I go to an Ivy League school, and apparently, that’s correlation enough. Many of my female Brown friends have seen ads similar to these, and you can even occasionally see personals seeking egg donation in the school newspaper.
In general, I do believe that people who choose to get egg and sperm donations should be able to pick a donor who has specific traits they desire. Maybe you want your baby to look like you and your partner. Maybe you have a history of cancer in your family and want to reduce your child’s chances of getting it. Hell, maybe you just really want your kid to be able to do that curly thing with her tongue. If it’s that important to you, I for one see no problem with it unless you’re being all kyriarchal about it.
Wanting your egg donor to be Ivy educated… Well, I think that might cross that line. I mean, what is it you’re really looking for when you say that? High ACT scores? The ability to describe what makes you stand out from other applicants in 350 words or less? Sheer dumb luck? Those are the only things I can think of that may have gotten me into Brown, and you know what? I’m pretty sure that they’re not hereditary. And if you actually want a Brown donor just for their Brown-ness, you either took college spirit way too seriously, or you just want to see the look on an admissions officer’s face when they read that your child has, in fact, THREE parental legacies.
I read that recently, a Yale egg donation ad was offering $20,000 for a young Bulldog willing to help a childless couple out. Well, if a Yale egg cost $20,000, then a Brown one must be worth at least a million. But that got me thinking… Imagine what you could do with even just Yale money. That’s almost a semester’s worth of tuition covered. Even if you’re not worried about that, that’s a great way to start off your terrifying post-school existence. Even if you’re not worried about that, you could use that money to buy enough canned goods to last you, like, the entire apocalypse. And the potential parents in question clearly have the money to afford it. So maybe this is even more of an act of charity for the donor than for the recipients…
I don’t think I could donate to one of these Ivy egg corps, although I’d completely understand if someone else definitely would. As someone who can live comfortably without the money from egg donations, I’d want my contribution to help someone with smaller means who still desperately wants a baby. But the thing is, as appealing as even just one or two thousand dollars sounds (ha), I still don’t think I could do it. I may be an adult in age, but I’m just not ready to live knowing that my biological child could be out there somewhere. Imagine if I gave somewhere in Providence and three years from now saw a strangely familiar little baby with curly brown hair, chocolate all over her face, and a birthmark shaped like Michigan on her knee. To be honest, I’d flip my shit. So would my mom. When I called her and told her about this article idea, she exclaimed “Oh god no! I’d be a grandma!” as if grandmas were werewolves, or axe murderers.
I still think egg and sperm donation is awesome–and super important. But the thing is, it’s a lot easier to digest in theory than it is in practice. Sure, the money is good, but you’d have to deal with the emotional, physical, and maybe even moral side effects that come along with that. If you can, you deserve mad respect, whether you’re donating to a state clinic or to the Ivy brand shoppers–and you have it, at least from me. I hope you still think of it as a “win-win.” As for me, well, I don’t think I can deal with it right now. Maybe next year, maybe in five, maybe never. But at least now I know that if it happens for me, it’ll be a careful, thought-out, and fulfilling decision… even if I don’t get to masturbate into a cup.
