I don’t know about you, but I’ve been feeling 22 for almost 7 months now. That’s more than half of my 22-ness done. Finished. Never to be seen again. And let me tell you something. I am feeling way super hella lied to. There happens to be a certain song written and performed by a certain pop star (both of which shall remain unnamed) that has completely misled me as to what this experience would be like. She painted a picture of a magical existence, complete with cake and glitter and really good lighting. What else did she promise? Well, let’s see:
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- “It feels like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters and make fun of our exes.”
N/A. Next.
- “It feels like a perfect night for breakfast at midnight, to fall in love with strangers.”
Sounds great, but I’m still on meal plan and none of the places on campus that are open at midnight serve breakfast foods, so. Next.
- “We’re happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time.”
¾. Not bad, I guess?
- “It’s miserable and magical.”
Hahahahahaha, “magical.” Good one.
- “Tonight’s the night when we forget about the deadlines.”
Ding ding ding! We finally hit one! This one is accurate because I, as a 22-year-old college student who simply cannot be bothered anymore, have handed in over half my assignments past the deadline this year. Deadline, schmeadline is what I say. Next.
- “I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 22.”
Yes, I am! This one’s true, too! I feel every single moment of my 22-ness, and not just because this specific line of this specific song is the first thing I hear every morning when I wake up. I also feel it every time I legally purchase alcohol, every time I get asked “Wait, if you’re 22, why are you a sophomore?,” and every time I think about the course number for a class I’m currently taking, CS22.
- “Everything will be alright if you keep me next to you.”
Who is this mysterious ‘you’ and how do I get me one of them?
- “You don’t know about me, but I’ll bet you want to.”
Based on the number of places that have not contacted me after receiving my resume this year, I’ll bet the exact opposite.
- “Everything will be alright if we just keep dancing like we’re 22.”
Yes!! Guys. The #1 thing that has kept me feeling sane in this torturous turbulent year we call 22 has been my pole, and more specifically, dancing on it. Even more specifically, dancing on it like I’m 22.
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So there you have it. Some things played out as expected, and others…. not so much. But I guess we’ll have to see what the next 5 months hold and reevaluate after. At least this version is a lot more authentic than what Lily Allen promised me- “When she was 22, the future looked bright.”
Hahahahahahahaha. Fuck you, Lily.
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