Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock, you’ve probably definitely heard about the cultural phenomenon that is Hamilton, a Broadway musical that opened earlier this year, created by the incorporable Lin-Manuel Miranda, and has garnered Presidential approval by Barack Obama himself. Though most of the things anyone can say about this show is positive, there is one caveat that has been driving audience members (or, potential audience members) crazy: the impossibility of obtaining a ticket.
Unfortunately, the only way to snag a seat to this musical foray in American history (assuming you don’t have $1000 extra to spend on some seat in the last row of the mezzanine) is by entering the Ham4Ham ticket lottery, an event that takes place two and a half hours before every performance in which about twenty tickets are sold for ten dollars (or one “Hamilton”) to twenty lucky theatregoers.
Sound easy? Wrong. The number of people who enter this lottery is usually upwards of 500, making one’s chances incredibly slim. However, there is some consolation and amusement in the quality of comments one can hear while wasting spending half an hour outside the Richard Rodgers Theatre.
Below are 15 real things people have said while waiting in line at the Hamilton lottery:
- “The music is like, Schoolhouse Rock meets Eminem.”
Said by a terrible human being.
- “I suppose if we don’t win we can go rush Matilda, again, I guess.”
Nothing like little kids rebelling against authority to console a young, scrappy, and hungry broken heart.
- “Is Phillipa Soo white?” “No. Her last name is ‘Soo’…”
Nice observation.
- “The only other lottery I’VE ever done is Hair!!!”
I’m sure that experience in 2009 really prepared you for the 6% chance you have at winning Hamilton.
- “Mamma Mia was better.”
Said by an even more terrible human being.
- “I guess they’re gonna provide pens. Will they provide pens? I don’t think they expect you to bring your own pens. Crap, should we have brought pens?!”
Spoiler: they don’t hand out pens.
- “Oh, OH. It goes so far back! Oh wowwwww…”
Said by a lady who decided to stop in the middle of the sidewalk while 500+ people behind her groaned and pushed.
- “Can they, like, sell tickets and, like, be sitting in someone’s lap?”
They can DEFINITELY do that.
- “Has this [lottery] ever gotten shut down by the police?”
I’m pretty sure they’re used to it by now.
- “I’m still taller than you, Mom.”
Said by a teenage boy when he finally realized he had no shot of winning the lottery. #littlevictories
- “If your feet are on the sidewalk, you can’t be there.”
Yep, let’s just push a thousand people in the middle of a crowded New York City street. Super smart.
- “I can’t believe they have to HIRE people to do this.”
I mean, this is probably their side job. I doubt it’s their primary source of income.
- “If this is HALF of the crowd for the Hamilton lottery, pray for me.”
Is it a coincidence that the Richard Rodgers Theatre is right across the street from the Church of Scientology?
- “Oh no.”
Said by a girl with a devastated expression on her face who zoomed right in front of the theatre on a pink moped half a second after the lottery closed.
- “Repeat after me: We’re both gonna win tickets. Both of our names are gonna be drawn. We’re both going to be chosen.”
I mean, yeah, Hamilton never gave up, but look what happened to him…
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