In the years since Simon and Garfunkel’s 1970 breakup, Paul Simon hasn’t slowed down. He’s been releasing hits like “Still Crazy After All These Years” in 1975 and “You Can Call Me Al” in 1986, he’s appeared in movies and TV, and he’s even made a cameo in Woody Allen’s Annie Hall. It’s fair to say that Paul has done pretty well, creating an identity for himself outside of his 60s Simon and Garfunkel fame. But, what happened to Simon’s “other half”, Garfunkel? Where is he wandering now? Did he reach the troubled water only to find there was, in fact, no bridge? I found the answers to these questions on Art Garfunkel’s very informative website, artgarfunkel.com:
- Books
Since 1968, Garfunkel has kept a list of books he’s read, going so far as to record the number of pages in each of his accomplishments. Specifically, in January of ‘72, Art read Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina (852 pages). In October of ‘85, he read Herodotus’ Histories (624 pages). In August of ‘94, he read Kissinger’s Diplomacy (835 pages). And, as of June of 2012, he finished the fun summer page-turner, E.L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey (514 Pages). As Garfunkel perused steamy erotica, did he lounge on a beach in oversized-rhinestoned sunglasses, periodically scolding the kids who accidentally kicked sand onto his towel? Or, perhaps, he hungrily flipped the pages under the covers during an evening thunderstorm, wearing satiny pajama bottoms and tightly gripping a flashlight. Garfunkel’s most recently documented book is Cicero’s How To Grow Old, completed in December of 2017. Apparently growing old entails neglecting your lists, because Art has not recorded a book since. What is Mr. Garfunkel be reading now? Perhaps the classic, sexy novel, Rock Hard (392 pages) by Olivia Cunning? One can only surmise… I will be religiously checking his website in the hopes of an update.
-E.L James
2. Walks
As well as investing his energy into reading, Art also sets out on long, Forrest Gump-esque cross-country adventures. According to the very wise and helpful third person narrator curating his website, “Art started his first ‘Walk’ in the early 80’s when he was in Japan and decided to walk across that country.” Since then, he has set out on many a different feat, ambling, for instance, from Manhattan to New Jersey in ’84, an adventure which is kind of like refusing broadway tickets and going to see a 2nd grade production of Annie instead. Mr. Garfunkel has written poems for each of the regions he’s traversed, enjoying the “wonder-filled” earth with every step. Quite ominously, however, the singer’s walking records end with this entry: “In May 1994 [Garfunkel] began to walk across Europe starting in Ireland.” There is no further information regarding where he concluded his journey, all we know is that Garfunkel set out on a very ambitious jaunt 25 years ago. What became of him? Is he still aimlessly wandering across Ireland, disheveled and desperately humming “Scarborough Fair” under his breath?
3. Poetry
As well as publishing poems inspired by his long walks, Art also has an extensive collection of prose poems, all recorded in his aptly-named book, Still Water Prose Poems. Art’s memories, observations, and questions are each drafted into little literary thoughts. In Poem 49 of 82, Garfunkel wisely asks “How can you spell a tree?” I assume Mr. Garfunkel’s inquiry is figurative, because I’m pretty sure he spelled “tree” correctly in phrasing this very question. In my experience, “tree” is typically not too hard to spell, but sometimes hard to climb. Perhaps Art felt as if they very concept of a tree was far too grand to be encompassed by a single word, that sometimes they are just too tall to spell?
4. Other Credits
a) In both 2004 and 2005 Mr. Garfunkel was arrested for unlawful possession of Marijuana. During this time, he was also reading Girl With The Pearl Earring (233 pages) by Tracy Chevalier.
b) You may also remember Garfunkel’s starring role as “Singing Moose” in Arthur, the classic animated series following the thrilling adventures of an anthropomorphic aardvark. The character of Singing Moose looked and dressed eerily like Garfunkel, but was, in fact, a moose.
c) Art has also kept a short list of his favorite things, items that have defined his life, shaping his personality and bringing him joy. One such item is “My toy Seal,” a plush, stuffed animal seal. According to the singer, “Within the man is the boy. And the boy in me is very fond of a cuddly toy called Seal.” Perhaps, as he read Fifty Shades of Grey (514 pages) under his steamy covers, Mr. Garfunkel gingerly grasped his “Toy Seal” (not a euphemism), contently reading about ripped bodices with his little fuzzy fellah.
If you’re anxious to see Mr. Garfunkel live, he’ll supposedly be doing cruise ship performances beginning in 2020. Before you jet off from Miami Beach, make sure to pack your reading glasses, classic literature, fluffy seal, and trusty marijuana. This is the only way to get the full Garfunkel experience.