Prologue
I never thought we would end up here. Not because I didn’t want to (because believe me, I wanted to) but because, I never thought that she’d be like this. She, with her high-brow zingers and LensCrafters eyeglasses, seemed too aloof to be this… kinky.
Ms. Brown was the only M&M in the history of M&Ms who had never flirted with me, no matter how hard I tried to get her to. I had resigned myself to knowing I’d never taste the delicious cacao core that hid underneath her sensual slip of candy-shell. The others, Red, Yellow, even Blue, I had been under the wrapper with– mostly at times when I wasn’t sober and felt like I needed to feel alive. I guess, in the end, that’s actually what started this mess to begin with: it started out with a Kiss– a Hershey’s Kiss– How did it end up like this? It was only a Kiss. It was only a Kiss!
Chapter 1
It was a hot summer night. Hershey’s Kiss was hosting a party for big time chocolates in downtown LA. He is old money– he’s got this luxurious mansion with an indoor pool, an open bar, and unlimited access to every drug on the market. That always comes in helpful. Us mass-produced chocolates are always looking for more than a sugar high. We’re all cheap products of late capitalism– we’re edible things made to feel like we have to reinvent ourselves with every damn holiday that some PR dude in a suit can justify celebrating with shitty candy. Every day, we feel hollow and empty inside like a Lindt chocolate without filling. Milky Way? He shoots up nougat. Reese’s has an hourly identity crisis — is he a pieces, is he a puff, is he a peanut butter cup? And of course, Kit Kat is the most fragile– he’s broken down easily and consistently asks us to literally rip him apart to his death. Masochist much? It’s a little known fact that it’s a tough world, if you’re a candy bar. (Unless that world is M&M world. ‘Cuz that shit’s tight. And yes, I know I am #privileged.)
I was happy to be at Hershey’s mansion. He and I have always been friendly, have always held a healthy rivalry. But that night, Hershey’s and I became closer than ever.
“Green, you’re looking good tonight,” cooed Hershey’s.
“You’re such a kiss-ass, Hersh!” I replied, rolling my eyes.
“Funny. Come on… what’s making you a dark chocolate tonight?”
“I don’t know, man. I am just having one of those days where I need to… I don’t know… feel.” A Cabana Bar passed by with a few champagne glasses on a tray. I took two and chugged them back. Hershey’s watched with worry, and then leaned forward.
“Listen, how serious are you about this?” he asked.
I look at him dead in the swoop.
“Very.”
“Well, I’ll let you in on a little secret. Follow me.”
He led me down a long hallway, away from the party, and into my new life.
Chapter 2
We stopped in front of a door with a complicated digital lock system. After inputting some numbers, the door opened. He took my hand and we stepped inside.
The first thing I noticed were the dark red walls. Deep red, like the set of every Dove commercial ever. The chocolate, not the soap– they’re different. Although I never really knew if they, the two Doves, were related. This damn business. Everyone is someone’s something.
The second thing I noticed was that there were people inside– the darker versions of some popular chocolates.
“What are they — what are we doing here?” I asked Hersh. Before he could reply, I watched as he tightened the narrow strip of paper that hung around his neck. It had his name on it: “Kisses.” He moaned.
I let it go. I decided to let my eyes wander: on the left wall, leather whips on hooks. On the right wall, whipped cream in bowls.
In the middle of the room, a long table, with a stripper pole in the center. And on the pole, her. Round, glorious, perfectly smooth– she clearly had just waxed (her shell).
She was three quarters of the way up but still managed to look into me. I couldn’t move. I just stared. I felt like my jaw was gonna drop, so I bit my lip to stop it. She raised her eyebrow, then tilted her glasses. She slid right down the pole and walked over to me.
“What’s this, Hersh?” she asked Hershey’s, who I had forgotten was next to me. He had switched out his silver aluminium foil for a black one.
“She needs this, Brown,” he replied.
“She doesn’t belong here,” she snapped.
“I still don’t know what this is,” I interjected.
“And you never will,” she responded.
I stayed silent.
“Get her out of here, Hersh. I’m done with high femme teases,” she snarled, before walking away to the chocolate fountain, where Almond Joy, Twix, and Take 5 were having an orgy.
Chapter 3
“Hersh, what’s going on?” I pretended to not know the obvious to buy myself some time. I had to make a plan. I needed to figure out what was wrong with Brown and why she hated me all of a sudden. She was still fairly new to the team. What– was she threatened by “the other” female M&M? Why did she say I was a tease… was she seeing Yellow, or Red, or any of the others I had melted under?
“It’s a sex dungeon,” Hersh said simply. I waited for more. He said nothing.
“That’s it?” I asked.
“Yup.”
“You’re not gonna, try to, I don’t know, generalize the BDSM community, vilify them for their tastes, and ‘justify’ their behaviors by trying to rationalize some sort of ‘fucked up’ pathology that you insist is somehow rooted in abuse and not pleasure, in just a few sixth-grade reading level words?”
“Nah dude, the fact that we feel empty inside and the fact that we like getting choked don’t have anything to do with each other. Getting choked’s just fun.”
“Cool,” I said. “So… what’s the deal with Brown? Why does she not want me here?”
“You should ask her yourself. I’m gonna go stick some nuts up Snickers’ asshole.”
Hersh lightly jogged to the chocolate fountain and took a shot before closing the curtain to a private room where Snickers awaited.
I began to look for Brown. She stood by the exit, putting on a leather jacket.
“Hey! Don’t go,” I called out.
She turned to face me.
“What’s your deal, little girl? What are you doing here?” she asked with spite.
“Why do you hate me?” I pleaded.
She looked at me for a second, then rolled her eyes, scoffed and left the room.
Chapter 4
I stood stunned. I was confused. Then, angry. I became a hardened chocolate. How dare she say I can’t join her club without even knowing me? What kind of prejudice did she have against other M&Ms? I wanted to talk some sense into her; I ran out the door.
I swung the door open with full force. A loud thud followed.
Suddenly, Brown was on the ground, her eyes red, and her mascara running.
“Watch where you’re going!” she yelled.
I knelt down.
“I am so sorry, I–”
“Just leave me alone.”
“You know what? I will,” I said, standing up. “I just came out here for a good time and suddenly, this hot chocolate is telling me that I can’t join her club and I don’t even know why, I’m just out here trying to find something, someone to–” my dramatic monologue was interrupted by her zipping up her jacket.
I stared at her, then sighed. Screw her, I thought, and decided at that moment to return to the party. I began to turn around, calling back behind me, “You know what? FUCK YOU. I just wanted to–”
Suddenly, I’m up against a wall. “Before I know it, she’s got both of my hands in her viselike grip above my head, and she’s pinning me to the wall using her lips. Her other hand grabs my bald, hairless, candy-coated head and yanks down, bringing my face up. Then her lips are on mine. My tongue tentatively strokes hers and joins her in a slow, erotic dance. Her “M” is against my belly.” There’s pre-caramel all over me.
“Meet me in the master bedroom in five. And don’t bring your shell,” she whispered, before heading back into the Red Room and giving me a kiss. A Hershey’s kiss.
